*********

one apple
one orange
grapes
two nut&seed bars

And yet she looks like she'd offer you a Worther's Original...Anna Wintour

I cannot afford to pay my outstanding utility bill, so here is a picture of a spider which I drew. I value the drawing at £233.23.

When I get home this weekend, the first thing I am going to do is completely and utterly rape Sainsburys. I am going to OBLITERATE it. Sharlene on till 5 will NOT see this coming. I'm really fed up at the moment with having chivied myself into such terrible habits food-wise; either not really eating much of anything because I can't be bothered to drag Mr McGregor's vegetable patch home with me, or snacking on random stuff that I don't really want to eat anyway....so as of tomorrow I'm going to pull myself together and really make a go of this raw vegan thing and try my very very very best to stick to it. No cheating. Some people have already asked me why I'm trying to do it anyway and there isn't really an answer - I'm not on some big moral animal rights crusade, I suppose I just want to see if I can do it and experiment a bit with what it does for your body. Apparently you do go through incredibly horrible detox symptoms whilst the chemicals drain out of your system but after feeling crappy for a little bit you pull through the other side and start to see health benefits, glowing skin etc standard beauty magazine spiel. I did it fairly consistently for about a month not lot ago, with the odd little cheat, which surprisingly I didn't find too hard at all because I've always loved fruit and vegetables and used to pretty much live off bowls of salad last year so perhaps it won't be quite the shock to the system I'm expecting. I'm not naive, I have done ridiculous amounts of research into daily recommended intakes and such and actually it's quite easy to reach your carbohydrate and protein targets provided you include the right things. SO, shopping list for Saturday includes....

cucumber
cherry tomatos
carrots
sweetcorn
red onion
kidney beans
green, red and yellow peppers
pineapple chunks
gala melon
pink lady apples
bananas
cherrys
black grapes
cashew nuts
peanuts
avocados
spinach
seeds & flax
balsamic dressing

And that is literally what I intend to live off for as long as I can. I'm going to be very sly and admit to myself that no amount of will power can stop me drinking tea and coffee, so I'll allow myself that. The actual definition of a raw vegan is someone whose diet consists of 80% or more raw food (dehydrated food is fine, eg. dried fruit) so in all fairness the coffee won't be breaking any rules. I'm also going to have to be realistic and admit that it IS summer time, people are going to be having BBQ's and parties every week not to mention the fact that my graduation is coming up and there is no way in hell I'm passing down champagne at my own graduation...basically I might try and reduce my alcohol slowly, perhaps start by trying to drink one night a week and stick to wine rather than whiskey and coke. Definitely no cocktails pour moi as I don't want it messing with my blood sugar levels whilst I'm doing this.

Sorry lovelies I know this is one long boring ramble, and about vegetables too, but the entire point of this blog is to pretty much jot down little ponderings and decisions so here we are. I do adore the idea of successfully transitioning to raw vegan because fruit and vegetables always make me feel so "clean" inside if that makes sense so it's all very exciting I just really hope I can see it through until the end. I'll try and keep a sort of food diary on here and see how things progress. Bisous x

Have you been to Germany? I flew over it once but I had an aisle seat.

Most people despise her, to which I say "sod this for a tall skinny latte and a handful of Adderall" because I adore the ground she and her 6 inch Louboutins totter on, primarily because I am of the belief that anyone who can make $$$$$$ of designer garb look like the newspapers she rolled out of her cardboard box in is a little bit of a goddess.







Yes, that is vintage Lacroix.





Had lots of blood taken today, lovely lovely. Quite intrigued by the whole thing because I'm not particularly squeamish so had a little peek and it was all dark red and, well, bloody. Spent so many hours today applying for jobs and trying to work out how much I need to be able to afford to move into a place of my own. I figured I can afford £700 pcm plus spending money on a REALLY basic salary, possibly even part-time which is great news except now I'm all worked up about a job I don't have and a flat I'm not moving into. Also I got a call half an hour ago from a woman who spotted my volunteer profile on the internet and offered me a position working with local youths and helping out with the running of a community website. I also hope to be volunteering front of house for the Guildford Shakespeare Company next week during performances of the Gentlemen of Verona so if anyone wants to pop along for an evening at the University of Surrey's lake, bring a rug and a bottle of wine and come and say hi it would be wonderful to see you. I've seen a few of their performances before and they are definitely worth a watch.

Idleness is only a coarse name for my infinite capacity for living in the present - Cyril Connolly

So today - didn't wake up until 12noon and a lot of people I know are leaving today for holidays/travelling which means that by the time they get back to Exeter I'll be gone and may possibly never see them again, but has turned into a weirdly productive day.

I've been thinking a lot recently about what to do with my life and this whole "employment" malarky, particularly about this Summer because I've been given the parental nod to take a few months out to in my father's words, "discover" myself, which is lovely of him and yet also incredibly intimidating as I'm now thinking of ways to better myself as a person and as you can imagine there is a pretty much endless list - I am a home-improvement show, and where is my Guru? I've decided that the ideal scenario would be to come home, get a part time job doing something not particularly taxing (secretarial etc) and spend the rest of my time either volunteering and taking classes to enrich my CV (french evening courses, perhaps take up the piano again etc) and also give this whole I Wish I Were Bob Geldof Vintage thing a go. So today I applied for a lot of voluntary positions in the area including helping out at the Law Courts and the local youth centre (after all, an ASBO is the only qualification some children get), at women's refuges and also volunteered to work front of house for the Guildford Shakespeare Company this July. I'm getting quite geekily excited. I also sorted out a new email for when my university one expires. I had a little sneak at local events too and have written down lots of lovely British things to do this Summer, I'm even going to the odd cricket match, in addition to which I'm going to make an effort to go up to London once a week or so and go to some photography exhibits and jazz bars, which I'm wondering why I didn't do before seeing as it's literally a 20 minute train ride away. Making organisation sexy since 1987.

Sorry to be so rubbish at posting over the past couple of days but the truth is there just hasn't been anything that has caught my eye as far as vintage fashion goes. I bought my prom dress today and it is disgustingly understated but I figured at least I'll wear it again and I'm going to jazz it up a bit with an old bowler hat and a longline sequin waistcoat (which i may have to make as I can't find one anywhere), maybe a vintage sequinned clutch bag and some skyscraper platforms too.

I did get a little despondant earlier at the though that I haven't been able to go on holiday or to any festivals, so I emailed a friend about perhaps doing a european festival sometime next year (two birds, one stone), so hopefully I can get that off the ground soon and have something to look forward to for next year because I have most definitely caught the travel bug having listened to everyone else go on about their adventures recently.

Raw veganism is all a bit hit or miss these days. I've been too lazy to buy large amounts of fruit and veg so haven't actually been eating much of anything, more just nibbling, but at least cooked food no longer makes me sick. It should all become a lot easier when I move home as I can coax the parents into carting back massive hoardes of fruit from sainburys. This will of course mean convincing them that raw veganism is a good idea, which will take many hours of showing the graphs, diagrams, daily intake allowances and possibly even a slide show. For now I remain the worst raw vegan in the history of raw veganism, largely due to my continual insistance that alcohol should be classed as "raw" and the fact that we all know where milk comes from.

It's 6.14am

I am home. I need the toilet. My drink tastes funny. I am incredibly unimpressed by everything so far today. Fridge tells me I drank half a bottle of martini to myself last night, which doesn't sound like much but it is. Have realised I really don't know what I think about anything anymore. I'm wondering if I only do a lot of things because I think it's what I want to do and I feel like I'm young and I have all these expectations to live up to, like I'll regret it if I don't. Which to a certain extent is true. I don't know how I feel about a lot of people, I'm starting to wonder if I only like some people because I haven't been given a good enough reason to dislike them yet, or out of loyalty. Everyone is guilty of being self-obsessed and selfish sometimes (God knows I completely can be) but I'm really feeling like this past 6 months I've been giving so much more than I'm getting back from a lot of people. I've had a lot of conversations recently where I'm taking an interest and asking lots of questions and then I stop and realise that during like a 2 hour conversation I've barely even been asked how I am. I don't know how much I'm going to miss Exeter.

Quite literally "so last season". Lorick Spring 2009.

Also I would quite like someone to buy me this gorgeous Antik Batik dress for my Graduation Ball. £264. I'll write a poem about you.