Sometimes I think that no one else in the world can feel anything. I really want to feel something. I want to feel something and to watch other people feel it too. I want to stand next to someone and literally feel the emotion burning out through their skin and watch someone else as confused as me. There is so much in life left to do and I'm angry that we're given so few years to achieve a lifetime of ambitions that aren't even our own, other people's ambitions that we adopt because we're greedy. But we're not greedy we're over-exposed and we expect too much of ourselves but if we have the capacity to nurture these expectations why can't we achieve them? I want people to take risks and pull me down after them so that whatever happens cant be my fault. Sometimes I fantasise, if you can call it that, about terrible things. I imagine what life would be like if I'd never had a family, people with expectations of me. Or if someone told me I was sick and only had six months left. And I think of all the things I would do if I didn't owe anyone anything and there was no such thing as consequences. And I feel relieved and excited and terrified and my heart goes and then I finally finally think THAT is what living must feel like.
No comments:
Post a Comment