I need something beautiful to happen. I miss that absolute, complete and utter asorbption into someone else's life.
Everything seems shallow and superficial at the moment. I know it sounds sick, but I almost want to break down completely so that someone can take me somewhere, hand over all the responsibility to someone else and just let them fix my life for me.
I wonder if it's possibly to completely re-invent yourself. I could wake up tomorrow and decide to stop smoking, stop drinking, become completely raw vegan and run away. Get away somewhere. I could pitch up in York and live in a little house on a cobbled street and find a job. I could work at a Rescue Home and walk dogs and get devastating amounts of fresh air every day and go to the local pub after work and gossip about people I don't know. It doesn't sound so impossible. I need to start making my own decisions, I think I care too much about what people think of me, about what's expected of me. If I'm going to make mistakes...
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