What's the name of that tower in London?

Pre-warning, this is going to be an absolute rant-a-thon.

1. I am horrifically bad for myself. Drinking, smoking, not sleeping and puting myself in situations I really shouldn't be in. I'm running out of motivation and new ideas on how to "fix" myself, nothing seems to work. I seem to go through addictive phases of various "lifestyle choices" before I get bored and move on to the next big thing. I can seriously say I have very few accurate conceptions of what life should be like on a day to day basis, what's healthy or normal. I'm a little bit scared about the damage I'm doing, sometimes when I have a drink I can carry on a normal conversation and secretly in the back of my mind i'm trying to count how many calcium tablets ive taken recently. I'm rapidly running out of ideas and its difficult when i everything i do, i do to make myself happy, how can making yourself slightly more miserable be good for your health? I blame science. Seriously, if there is anyone out there who considers themselves a bit of a life-guru or is at all god at giving advice, tell me, it would be amazing to have one person know whats actually going on without it having to affect my entire life.

2. It is very possible to be a girl and to be entirely unemotional and disengaged about certain people - living proof.

3.

4. Probably the most irritating - I have had SO many conversations recently where i seriously feel like I'm keeping up the entire convernsation, which is made more irritating by the fact that it isn't even me who initiates it. I'm utterly bored of talking to men who, bless them, don't even appear to catch on to the fact that yes girls can have interesting lives, careers, families and friends too, you're just too socially ignorant to take an interest in them and so you're perfectly happy so sit there whilst I keep up the chat and ask you insightful questions about your life whilst secretly dying a little inside every time. The worst thing? When I end up being whinged at about how you "barely even got to know me". Well we know you. And I am bored.

Last night was incredibly fun but massive apologies to anyone who recieved a text, it was not a great night for thinking before speaking. Today is a helluva duvet day, I have 90210, I have peep show, I have inglorious bastards and I have an entire mango. The best fruit in the world next to grapes and cherries. I am one happy hermit. Ive decided today is still going to be immensely productive though, I have a list of so many things Ive yet to do in London I'm going to try and organise myself, in fact I think today might be the monthly get-it-together day.


I need a new vice.