Detox, retox, reinvention.

Blonde hair, brown eyes. Hello hair dye and hello coloured contacts.



May need to work on something resembling a tan.

As of tomorrow, incredible detox. This has been a terrible weekend for drinking and smoking and all things unhealthy. So tomorrow its oats and fruit and 2 litres of water a day until friday.

I want to be completely unrecognizable. Right now I am a female Fonze. Dislike.

I'd quite like a russian accent too. But apparently we cant have everything.

Ilex are being shockingly awful at getting back to me on my qualification. As Denise would say, "I feel a letter coming on".

I need to start reading properly again, I miss that. I only have four days of work this week and three days the following week, I actually cant wait to have 5 full days off work in June. Still undecided about Isle of Wight. I might just make a massive effort to do a mini road trip maybe go to york or see old friends from home.

I need to start wearing my thigh high boots, they are looking decidedly neglected with their teasing little tassles and studs and pixie toes.

Loving Solveig Selj, Vincent Peters and Terry Richardson at the moment. I would adore to be in a proper short fashion film. I've decided i might start doing video blogs. That way at least when I'm talking about trivial things that only I find at all interesting you can watch my eyebrows. I did a short test the other day, I have some seriously odd facial expressions. Little did I know ive spent the past 22 years of my life alternating between looking disgustingly patronising or generallly bemused by life.

No walk of shame

Someone bring me a fucking fruit pastilles ice lolly.

fashion in motion

yawn. Same old people.

The Status Quo

Self:
Frustrated
Overwhelmed
Decisive
Pleased my epic-showstopping-injury has finally healed.

Things to buy:
Silver Egyptian ring
Studded platform clogs
Chelsea boots
Cover for my blackberry
Typhoo tea bags
bin-liners
mouthwash


Books:
Jeremy Paxman - A portrait of people
The Oxford History of Britain
The Use and Abuse of Logic
The Blackest Street
Pardon my French - Charles Timoney

Decisions made:
Ilex Legal Executive Lawyer Diploma - it's on like donkey kong.

Music:
Aphex Twin
Vivaldi
Reitzell

Out with the new, in with the old.

I officially know possibly the most emotionally fucked up person in Britain. It's actually like trying to re-teach a child the most basic of emotions and the most simple of human behaviours and niceties.

I feel like a traitor saying this now that Summer has officially arrived, but I'm so done with the way my life has been for the past couple of months. All silly "alternative" exhibitions and niche clubs and late nights and leather and post-work drinking and too much smoking and buying and selling. I want to take a break. I want to come home and drink tea and read all my lovely historial books and listen to my Versailles soundtrack and study for my Ilex. I really, really do. I want to be a geek and not go drinking and just spend more "quality time" with people. I want to start watching films again.

Man up

am about to spend stupid amounts of money on raw vegan food ordered online. I am such a marketer's dream.

What's the name of that tower in London?

Pre-warning, this is going to be an absolute rant-a-thon.

1. I am horrifically bad for myself. Drinking, smoking, not sleeping and puting myself in situations I really shouldn't be in. I'm running out of motivation and new ideas on how to "fix" myself, nothing seems to work. I seem to go through addictive phases of various "lifestyle choices" before I get bored and move on to the next big thing. I can seriously say I have very few accurate conceptions of what life should be like on a day to day basis, what's healthy or normal. I'm a little bit scared about the damage I'm doing, sometimes when I have a drink I can carry on a normal conversation and secretly in the back of my mind i'm trying to count how many calcium tablets ive taken recently. I'm rapidly running out of ideas and its difficult when i everything i do, i do to make myself happy, how can making yourself slightly more miserable be good for your health? I blame science. Seriously, if there is anyone out there who considers themselves a bit of a life-guru or is at all god at giving advice, tell me, it would be amazing to have one person know whats actually going on without it having to affect my entire life.

2. It is very possible to be a girl and to be entirely unemotional and disengaged about certain people - living proof.

3.

4. Probably the most irritating - I have had SO many conversations recently where i seriously feel like I'm keeping up the entire convernsation, which is made more irritating by the fact that it isn't even me who initiates it. I'm utterly bored of talking to men who, bless them, don't even appear to catch on to the fact that yes girls can have interesting lives, careers, families and friends too, you're just too socially ignorant to take an interest in them and so you're perfectly happy so sit there whilst I keep up the chat and ask you insightful questions about your life whilst secretly dying a little inside every time. The worst thing? When I end up being whinged at about how you "barely even got to know me". Well we know you. And I am bored.

Last night was incredibly fun but massive apologies to anyone who recieved a text, it was not a great night for thinking before speaking. Today is a helluva duvet day, I have 90210, I have peep show, I have inglorious bastards and I have an entire mango. The best fruit in the world next to grapes and cherries. I am one happy hermit. Ive decided today is still going to be immensely productive though, I have a list of so many things Ive yet to do in London I'm going to try and organise myself, in fact I think today might be the monthly get-it-together day.


I need a new vice.

Everybody thinks that girl's a lady but I don't, I think that girl's shady

The next two weekends are going to be immense, plus I've worked well over my hours recently so I have a lots of lovely flexi time to take off so I'm thinking a few long weekends are in order. I really need to start taking my camera out with me and completely defile my blog with whorey pictures.

I submitted my first ever grown up vote today :) It was all terribly informal and odd. Also the polling station was the village hall where I used to attend brownies and girl guides, so I spent most of my time in the queue thinking about how I don't actually remember any of the skills I learnt at guides, with one exception - I remember how to make fish fingers. Quite useless, I don't like fishfingers. I don't like much. Particularly not fish fingers.

I should be getting my adorable peter pan dress soon, it's very Wednesday Adams (apt) so if it comes before saturday I'm thinking my black suede office platforms and thigh-high socks, maybe a bowler hat depending on the probability of ever seeing it again if I take it to barfly.

I'm in the mood for shisha.

Quote of the day "So I waited until things were obviously a bit rocky with his girlfriend, and then I thought "right, he's vulnerable..."

Don't want cash, don't want card, want it fast, want it hard

I did something really terrible last night. You know who you are and I'm sorry, I still adore you, but I'll leave you alone for a bit.

This entire weekend has been absolutely surreal, including today. Back to reality tomorrow, can still barely walk because of my leg. I've seen literally no live music in about three months, needs sorting. I ordered my skinny school blazer today and this beautiful gold vintage dress with black fringing all the way down the sleeves.

WHY DO I CONSTANTLY FEEL FRUSTRATED WITH LIFE?

Kingston, Embargos, Kings Road, Camden, BBQ's and bruises

I fucking love my life