Its an honour to disagree with you

I absolutely point blank no arguments refuse to go to camden this weekend. I will NOT be teased and taunted by all the dank dingy sweaty sexy plastic beer cup fun whilst I am enjoying my lovely frosted-glass martini on Kings Road this Saturday.

Absolutely not.

I regret

Everything that happened today. Literally. Unimpressed with myself today.

The one time I actually put some effort into this thing and I deleted it.

I adore this time of year, I swear everyone suddenly becomes incredibly sexy. I love how we're all perched on pavements smoking and drinking wine. It might nearly, nearly, be time for the coconut cup to make its 2010 debut.

I just sold a sequinned biker jacket that I bought for literally nothing for like £90. I feel so much better about the manic spree I had earlier this week. As far as biker jackets go I have one studded, one sequinned, one fitted and one cropped. That can NOT be healthy.

This weekend will be beautiful. Riverside drinks on Friday, Saturday at Embargos and Sunday at Dawn's yearly BBQ. Monday should be something special, something different. I hate that no one seems to act on impulse anymore. Very few things, very few PEOPLE, excite me any more. Thrills and spills.

I look myself in the face and whisper "I'm in the wrong place"

It's 5:30 pm on saturday afternoon and I am several largetackyplasticcups of wine down already, I seriously swear there is nothing more heavenly than spending all day by the river in Kingston drinking that said I've seriously had enough of deck-shoe wearing man sluts trying to start conversations by either asking my opinion on their salary or making ascertains like "look at that boat, minute it needs parking the woman surrenders the steering", because, actually, I happen to be a woman and oh my gosh I happen to also be able to moor, yes, boy, MOOR, a boat better than most men. But yes today was lovely I wore the most beautiful new dress it's white with a french bardot collar and large black cuffs it's stunning and I adore it and it makes me feel disgusting french and hepburn-ish. Last night was wonderful saw Becci and Harriet for more drinks and chats and actually ran into an old friend in Kingston and some lovely people from work so all round a successful night and the kind of one where you wake up the next morning with an overwhelming feeling of how perfect everything is. One low point, you know who you are, and if you're reading then I'm sure you've already realised that I meant what I've always said - you make life so difficult I can honestly say I've met few people as soul-destroying as you, it's dull, get over and start participating in life - you might actually enjoy it instead of mocking other people's very satisfying and varied lives which you have no idea about.

I'm going to take it easy this evening and not go out, I'm going to spend all evening in bed, watching old movies drinking more wine and eating enough grapes to make myself ill. Might watch inglorious bastard again. Election debates are getting tedious, particularly watching jeremy paxman's half-hearted efforts at grinding down cameron. Say what you like, I know who I'm voting for.

An experiment in anatomy

I can quite honestly say that over the past week I've spent 6 days being ENTIRELY RAW VEGAN. This is probably the longest I've gone without a lapse (I've gone over a month before on raw food but usually had at least one, sometimes two small slip-ups per week), this time it has been pretty consistent. It's a surreal feeling, Im waiting for the side effects to kick in. Surprisingly I'm never hungry, though I rarely am anyway, and the thought of cooked, "normal" food is verging on slightly repulsive right now. I'm reluctant to say I've been smoking a little bit more this week which has probably had some impact, but my main issue is waiting for the detox effects, I'm almost looking forward to them. The whole foundation of the raw food theory is that your body was not intially designed to eat cooked food, and so by eating entirely raw food (ie. only vegetables, fruit and nuts/seeds) not only does the colon absorb more nutrition from your food and break it down more easily, but the energy you would have expended on digestion is put to use healing your body in other ways (basically the same theory that works when you become ill and fast to get over the illness more quickly). Hippies.

I don't really know how I feel about this yet. It is sustainable, but at the same time I'm curious to try something else. So, as of tomorrow, I'm doing a 7 day protein fast, for lack of a more accurate term, (primarily because the one thing I have definitely been deficient in since eating raw food is protein). I'm a little bit aprehensive, but I'll let you know how it goes. I'll be buying my first protein shakes in the morning...

Why do I have to sabotage EVERYTHING good in my life?
The thoughts I've been having over the past few days...
The things I'm thinking of doing...
Make me the worst kind of person.

Don't give me anything.
Don't be nice to me.

Why is nothing ever good enough for me?

I'm so sorry in advance for what will happen. But I blame you too, stand up to me.

I'm just getting to the point where I wish people would stop tying to get close to me, I will make it my first priority to disappoint you the second I realise you have expectations of me.

I hate you for not being what I want and I hate myself more for not wanting you.

This year

Passed my driving test
Got a car
Got a job
Got a flat
Got my fella back

Productive xxxxxx