Dear Buddah

Shopping in Reading today with Kim, so basically going to go and pick up my pretty little dolly coat from topshop, blag some costume jewellery and spend the rest of the day begrudgingly buying "work" clothes (I took the job, start in about 2-3 weeks as soon as HR clear my medical records), have already worked out how to incorporate sequins into work-wear and I'm going to buy lots of hair ribbons and balmain-style blazers (I really can't afford all this considering I'm staying in a hotel in Exeter this weekend, it's amazing what the prospect of earning does to your realistic expections of what your Barclay Card can and cannot do). Money is a number. Anyway today should be fun and then tomorrow I'm going for a skin test at Toni and Guy and then going to Jagz in the evening - lovely - and Friday will be spent in London with Becci, Harry and Gwen.

I've been told that when I'm upset or angry or frustrated I laugh about it and turn it into a joke - stiff upper lip attitude and all that. I really wish I didn't do this, I would hate for anyone to ever feel sorry for me when I'm upset but at the same I don't think people even think that I am because I always seem to move on quickly and get over things without having to think twice about them. Most of the time this is great and an entirely accurate reflection of the situation, but when it IS a front, it really isn't much fun.

I really would love to go away for a weekend. As much as I want to move out and the journey to Kingston from home is a trainwreck the thought of being able to keep my money every month and spend it on weekends away, or save up to buy an inter-railing pass is so tempting. Also I asked my dad how much he sold his old jag for and he said £1500! Admittedly he said it was pre-historic, the leather was often ripped and structually it was a bit moody, but if that's the case then you can obviously buy vintage jags in pretty sound condition for just a few grand more. I've always known this but it's starting to seem a bit more likely now. It's the parts which cost so much to locate. I also spoke to my mum about travelling, I really don't think I'd want to go with any of my friends (not in a weird or offensive way) but just because my idea of travelling is that it really should take you out of your comfort zone and force you to meet new people. I'd adore to travel to italy and greece again by myself and my mum said she could probably handle that, it was when i mentioned eastern europe that she literally looked aghast and clung hysterically to the table. I can cope with that, although St Petersburg would be beautiful. When I mentioned how much I wanted to do a bavarian castle tour she actually said that's the kind of thing she would really enjoy and would even think about coming with me. Hols with the mum. Lovely. Ha.

Roll on the weekend.