An experiment in anatomy

I can quite honestly say that over the past week I've spent 6 days being ENTIRELY RAW VEGAN. This is probably the longest I've gone without a lapse (I've gone over a month before on raw food but usually had at least one, sometimes two small slip-ups per week), this time it has been pretty consistent. It's a surreal feeling, Im waiting for the side effects to kick in. Surprisingly I'm never hungry, though I rarely am anyway, and the thought of cooked, "normal" food is verging on slightly repulsive right now. I'm reluctant to say I've been smoking a little bit more this week which has probably had some impact, but my main issue is waiting for the detox effects, I'm almost looking forward to them. The whole foundation of the raw food theory is that your body was not intially designed to eat cooked food, and so by eating entirely raw food (ie. only vegetables, fruit and nuts/seeds) not only does the colon absorb more nutrition from your food and break it down more easily, but the energy you would have expended on digestion is put to use healing your body in other ways (basically the same theory that works when you become ill and fast to get over the illness more quickly). Hippies.

I don't really know how I feel about this yet. It is sustainable, but at the same time I'm curious to try something else. So, as of tomorrow, I'm doing a 7 day protein fast, for lack of a more accurate term, (primarily because the one thing I have definitely been deficient in since eating raw food is protein). I'm a little bit aprehensive, but I'll let you know how it goes. I'll be buying my first protein shakes in the morning...

Why do I have to sabotage EVERYTHING good in my life?
The thoughts I've been having over the past few days...
The things I'm thinking of doing...
Make me the worst kind of person.

Don't give me anything.
Don't be nice to me.

Why is nothing ever good enough for me?

I'm so sorry in advance for what will happen. But I blame you too, stand up to me.

I'm just getting to the point where I wish people would stop tying to get close to me, I will make it my first priority to disappoint you the second I realise you have expectations of me.

I hate you for not being what I want and I hate myself more for not wanting you.

This year

Passed my driving test
Got a car
Got a job
Got a flat
Got my fella back

Productive xxxxxx

You let other women make a fool of you

I absolutely cannot wait until Vintage at Goodwood. All road trips and cider and treehouses and grammaphones heaven.

Two days until the big move, am drastically downsizing my wardrobe so anyone wanting a pair of unworn skyscraper wedges size 4, a paul's boutique bag, a bowler hat and various scarves/necklaces and weird lord of the rings-esque celtic headresses (you haven't experienced a truly askance look from a complete stranger until you've worn a circlet whilst buying cigarettes) then let me know.

Adore you all and seeing most of you soon. x

Pay day

Mine mine mine.

Ridiculous things have happened recently, none of which I particularly feel like sharing.

Bad luck.

Had an incredible weekend and I move into my new abode on Friday, I couldn't possibly be more excited.

New beginnings.

Always. Only.

I have a new hobby

I scream in my car. A lot.

Several really good things happened yesterday. I found my will power again, I signed for my new flat in Teddington and I had a few lovely phone calls from some people who I miss enormously.

And I had a few mini-euphoric moments.

I quite seriously don't want anyone. Ever. Recently I've actually tried to be as amiable and pro-relationship as possible and it seriously just isn't me. It doesn't come naturally. So I'm going to stop. Someone told me I expect too much of men and am never going to find what I'm looking for. I think the point of that was to suggest I "lower my expectations", but in fact I'm just dropping out of the game. I just can't imagine ever wanting to share that much of myself with anyone, at best I think I'd just want someone to chaperone me around and stand there looking pretty, not contribute to the conversation and most certainly not expect anything in return.

So in three weeks time I'll be living in Teddington, near Hampton Court, and with my local on the River Thames.

You know what's odd? I've been in London all day having a lovely time and yet I'm in a foul mood all because I wrote a post-it note for myself saying "Look at ferries for isle of wight fest" and my dad crossed it out and wrote "you're coming on the boat with us". And I literally had an epic tantrum of five year old proportions. Because no I am NOT coming on the boat with them and there is a reason why I need to take the ferry. And I'm in an utterly foul mood because I'm fed up with people telling me and what I am and am not doing when there are quite clearly reasons as to why I do or don't do what I choose to do.

Anyway,

I'm off to bed some unsuspecting men and then never call.